you are beautiful

oh my, oh my!!

you're beautiful.

simply wonderful.

why?

oh...

just the dimples on your cheeks when you smile widely.

just the sincerity that shines through you eyes.

just the confidence you radiate to others.

just the sensitivity that touches people's hearts.

just the softness of your voice when you're trying to calm hearts full of storms.

just you.

being yourself.

yes, you are God's beautiful creation.

bless those hearts

bless those hearts which are sensitive.

bless more to those which love.

forgive those which hate.

strengthen those which misses their loved ones.

glue those which are broken.

control on those full of desires.

medication needed for the bleeding ones.

pump more blood into happy ones.

just bless those hearts.

which bear the souls.

and become one.

a war where everybody wins.

today is the big day.

take out your swords.

open up your shields.

we're going to fight this war.

a war of obtaining success.

a war without violence.

just a war full of determination.

inspired by dreams and desires.

a war where everybody wins.

you don't scare me.

you don't scare me,

i possess what you don't.

you can't grasp my fears,

i own what you don't.

you can't crush my hopes,

i made them invulnerable to you.

you don't scare me,

for i am myself.

i just couldn't.

i wanted to tell the whole world,

about my love for you.

but i just couldn't.

i wanted to dance my love,

sing it or write a poem,

but i just couldn't.

i dreamed a fantastic dream,

of me in your arms,

and a long warm kiss.

i wanted the cat to answer me back,

when i held her and called your name,

but she just couldn't.

i tried to tell my sister,

about my love for you,

so that her big eyes could look at me,

the way i want you to,

but she was asleep,

so i just couldn't.

my folks say I'm too young to be falling in love,

i tried to change my heart,

to make my mind stop thinking about you so much.

BUT I JUST COULDN'T.

i wrote your name on all the paper of my diary.

i took a letter i wrote you to the mailbox.

BUT, I JUST COULDN'T.

this is a poem by HASNA MUHAMMAD. just wanted to share it with you. :)

do

do what is right,

that's a good thing you can do.

do what is wrong,

that's the source of lessons in a lifetime.

do what you think is best,

for you,

for the ones you love,

as that'll bring eternal happiness,

though you should not fret,

that you might get hurt along the way.

do face the challenges bravely.

do it YOUR way.

just let me go

set me free from the cages of your love.

set me free from your hollow shadows.

set me free from the ropes of pain.

set me free from the angry waves of tears.

set me free from the toxic coldness of yours.

set me free, my dear.

just let me go.

i'm the champion

i'm the champion.

the champion of life.

the champion of dreams.

the champion of achievements.

the champion of emotions.

the sole winner in my world.

for i lived everyday,

as opportunities raced my way,

when others waste their days.

you did not leave.

as i climbed upwards,

i noticed you were right beside me.

panting, tired but very spirited.

you did not leave,

although you have the obvious option.

i took your hand,

together we soared high above,

our firm hands feeling glad of each other's touch.

the reason

i want to hold your hand,

for there lies my happiness.

i want to hold your hand,

for there lies my strength.

i want to hold your hand,

for there lies both of us.

nothing left to say

i ran out of words.

tears ran dry.

just cradle me in your arms.

the comfort from the familiar scent of you.

the warmth and the rhythmic heartbeat only you have.

for that's where i know i suit well.

when there's nothing left to say.

just stop. please.

what is it with you that you seem to hate me so much??

not only it shines clearly from your eyes,

but through your icy cold words on me,

and your behaviour of leaving me feel so defenceless,

when i need you so badly.

is it my exuberance?

my loudness??

my honesty?

my positive bubble irritates you?

my ever nagging personality?

or just plain bullshit attitude as you called it?

you hurt me more than once,

trust me, you still do.

you claimed that you're my friend,

but i barely know you,

far beyond trusting you.

stop it.

stop opposing me.

stop making me look like some kind of a bitch,

when you already have the attitude of one.

stop turning me into a miserable you.

how can you be nice to our other friends?

and you only come to me when you're in despair?

your selfishness sickens me.

your hypocrisy is more than i can handle.

if this is what you call fury,

so be it.

you need some lashing anyway.

and for that,

my apologies shall go astray.

the ray of hope

the low rumbling sound of thunder,

the flashes of daylight brightness from lightning,

the cold raindrops thumping against the windows,

as if they were made of rocks.

the hunched posture of those evading rain,

it's like everything's gone wrong.

but wait,

the thunder is just there to show how the voice above giving guidance,

the flashes of lightning gave me a glimpse of which path i should choose,

even in the suffocating darkness.

the raindrops are there to protect me with its comforting rhythm,

the assuring melody of keep going on.

and the hunched posture,

well, it's just a reflex of protecting myself.

i will have to straighten up again,

for i know, God created us to stand straight,

to be brave even there are burdens way too heavy for the shoulders.

oh,

there,

behind those dark threatening clouds,

i saw a ray of pure sunshine.

so divine is the ray of hope.

appreciation.

i was taken by surprise.

you sent me a message.

well, a very simple one.

a thank you note.

a well done note.

a thumbs up sign in your message.

you put that smiley for me.

your supportive words were ringing in my ears,

as my heart silently read them.

then, a smile crept to my face,

i was blushing really hard.

and my heart sang with joy.

when i least expected it,

you gave me the unexpected. :)

and...

that is enough appreciation.

for my soul to continue,

my passion.

thank you.

and this is for YOU. :)

acceptance

you will never understand, because you are not ME.

you may think i'm childish,

when you yourself whines and complains about everything.

well, if you notice, i don't complain of the silly stuff. you do.

you may think i'm a pessimist,

but you never see me brighten your days up with positive bubbles around you.

building that wall of confidence for you.

but have you ever asked how my walls are going??

you didn't even look at the cracks i was facing.

you may take advantage of me,

because it's hard for me to stay angry, you thought it's my weakness, but beware.

my patience have limits.

you may think i'm a crybaby,

but here, some news flash for you!, i don't cry for nothing.

if you think tears are a weakness, think again.

maybe you're too cold that your tears gave frozen.

you may think you know it all,

but when you face difficulties, why do you seek me?

you may think i'm being a hypocrite,

oh, remind yourself, what did you do when i asked for honest opinions?

you may think i'm worthless,

because i noticed you use your sweet words to me only when you want something.

you may think i'm stashing secrets away from you,

maybe the only reason is i don't trust you.

you, who called yourself my friend,

today, i tell you. honestly.

who you really are,

because i think i should help you to see,

to accept me as who i am.

the fresh air of victory

as the sun sets,

sweat trickled down my forehead, my back.

the grip on my ball remains,

as the soft thud thud rhythm filled the court.

i looked around.

there were my friends, my teammates, my comrades,

my family cheering at the bench,

calling out my name,

dashing around, meeting eye to eye.

i saw the lines, the 3 pointers, the centre of the circle.

oh, the lines are strong indicators,

then, i saw my goal.

the net, the board with a small square painted above the net,

my aim!

i inhaled deeply, feeling the oxygen seeping in my blood vessels,

propelling my muscles to work.

and there,

i ran, and dribbled the ball beside me,

chasing out those who try to stop me,

guarded b the strong fort of my team,

and i shot.

WHOOSH....

the ball entered neatly.

there was a stunned silence,

before the mega outburst from my team,

then, i felt myself, rose to the air,

smelling the fresh air of victory.

hey there!

basketball has always been my passion. so, here, i shared the feelings when i play it, and how i adapt the game into my life. as you may read, i put my friends and family inside, the strong pillars in my life. without their support, i might crumble to pieces today. as for the lines mentioned, (the lines drawn on the court), i see those as my challenges. you know, in every game, there's always limits and rules. true, in my life, i find myself to keep my toes on the line though i may have crossed them a time too many. :) but, these lines are a reminder that i have pushed myself to achieve the best within the range of my abilities. they are also reminders of mistakes and failures that i have faced. not that they'll bring me down, they bring me lessons of life. then, the goal. the aim. the whoosh sound as the ball entered. that indicates my aims, my dreams. some of the goals, i haven't achieved yet but i'm proud to say that i've given myself a few beautiful shots and scored well. and i can assure you, the air of victory is indeed wonderful.

i don't just play basketball, i live it. :)

the only accessory that appeals.

i love accessories.

i have necklaces, bracelets, earrings.

these i wear to make myself more appealing.

but,

deep down,

there is always one accessory that is my favorite.

but, this is subtle,

only those who know will see,

and those who are attracted,

and those who sense the power,

an those who treat it with respect,

may wear the same thing too.

only those who wear will shine,

through the darkest, scariest times.

and this,

is the necklace of

believing in myself.

if you were ever to leave me again...

you promised.

and i believed.

yet, you still left.

and you wrenched my happiness away.

and left me strangled with tears, despair.

then you came back.

you think i was jubilant.

true.

but,

this time,

i've prepared,

with my own shield,

if you were ever to leave me again.

smile

YOU CAN DO THIS.

STRETCH THOSE FACIAL MUSCLES.

AND SEE YOUR DAY BEING ENLIGHTENED.

as we fly high

as we fly high,

i held your hand tightly.

your gentle squeeze assures me,

against my powerful grasp.

although i know you'll never let go,

pain in the past told me,

to cling on whatever hope there'll be.

reaching out my hand

if there is one last good thing i have to do,

it will be letting you go.

even if my life shatters to pieces.

no worries, i'll be strong.

for you are always here,

sewn into this strong heartbeat.

as i stare out the window...

where were you when i needed you?

well, isn't it a consolation that i can wonder where you've been to??

at least, i have an image of you to cling to.

hello letter. :)

hello mr postman, any letters for me today?

sorry, young man. maybe only yesterday.

oh, it's okay.

as i look away,

then i saw your neat handwriting flying my way. :)

i may sound seriously pathetic.

hey you.

yes, YOU!

come here.

stay with me, open your eyes, listen closely.

i like your hat, if you want it back, come find me.

so that i can put it back on that soft wavy hair of yours.

i'll make you smile that dazzling smile, like no other can do.

there are a lot of pretty faces, but all i see is you.

i'll shower you with love, a love none other less than what this small fist of heart can give you.

i'll cuddle with you as you sleep. because that's when you seem so vulnerable and i think i need to protect you.

i'll kiss you in the rain, to warm you against the cold rain as it pelts against the window.

i'll ward off the evil of those who want to bring you down, because you deserve to fly high.

i'll stop the traffic just to show how important you are to me so that the whole street knows.

i'll buy all the ice cream from the ice cream man to sweeten you with the sweet sensations.

i'll call using the public phone to talk to you, so that you will always have miniature surprises on your private number to fill your day.

i'll fold a thousand paper planes, each paper written with supportive words for you so that you feel light when the burden strikes you.

i'll sing my heart out, might be out of tune but i know the melody will never leave you.

i may sound seriously pathetic right now, but that's what love did to me when i first saw you. :)

slowly

slowly.

inhale.

exhale.

the rush of vapour escapes these dry lips.

then,

as the eyes saw a tall looming figure ahead,

slowly,

recognition hits the mind.

that very same posture.

oh, my dear friend is back.

and that's when these cracked lips burst into a smile.

like any other days...

sorry. too loud. (a teenager with head banging music in the middle of the night)

nope, put it that way. (a lady boss arranging her office)

why don't we try it this way instead?(a manicurist at job)

like i said, please, do not touch it. (a slightly irritated salesman restraining his anger)

do you even understand what i'm saying?(an angry lover who hopes the other one to listen)

yup, sure. whatever.(an indifferent kid when being scolded after school)

are you even serious?(a colleague who's panicking)

seriously, trust me in this.(a calm and confident friend)

hey, watch where you're going!!(a bike rider yelling on the pavement)

whatever you do, keep on doing it coz i'm done. (a frustrated clerk)

hello gorgeous. (a fashion consultant greeting his customers)

hello handsome. (a wife so lovingly greeting her husband at home)

have a nice day. (a hot dog man selling at the park)

hey there, you left this.(an honest man at the train station)

sir, may i have your ID please?(a policeman at work)

ma'am, i didn't do anything. (a juvenile delinquent denying mischief)

honey, i love you. (a mother declaring her love)

mum, i'm home! (a girl calling out for her mum as soon as she opened the door)

hey, dad, look at this. (a son showing his new invention of Lego structures)

ugh, you stink. (an irritated sister allergic to a smelly brother)

why don't you go play barbie instead?? (a brother bullying his sister out of jealousy)

is that how you feel? i feel the same way. (twins when their instincts are connected)

stop it! (a brave child defending a friend from being bullied)

i love it, no matter how it might suck.

that last statement??

oh, we all should say it. to our blissful lives. :)

that and those...of life.

that crooked smile.

which never fails to bring one on my lips.

those stunning eyes.

which never fails to make me blush.

those soft hands.

which never fails to electrify me with every touch.

that beautiful hair.

which never fails to intertwine with mine bringing full comfort.

that strong body.

which never fails to give me the warmth i've always craved for.

oh life. you are indeed divine. :) thank the God for bestowing us with even one breath.

you're all i've got.

what do you want??

stay away from me.

why don't you go and hurt someone else?

go.....and scratch other people's pride, tear their hearts apart, ruin their trusts to none entity, break whatever's left in them....

you...you're such a disgrace!

i felt ashamed, troubled and totally fooled.

please...just go.

no...no.....no.....

wait,

(after a second thought),

(with arms stretched, and tears in the eyes, and deep tugging beats in the heart)

okay, come back here.

i'm sorry. and i know you are too.

i need you.

you're all i've got.

just a thought

today was one of the usual day where i slept all day long due to mindless sleepiness and seriously-nothing-to-do syndrome.

even driving around to fetch my siblings or regardless of how many times i cycled around the neighbourhood (i prefer this to jogging) or doing the house chores, i still feel my holidays are empty.

boredom.

FB-ing does not give me the full satisfaction any more. hmm....(that's very serious.)

but when i was cycling today...

hey! watch out! i panted slightly when i practically shrieked to the kid.

a boy. like about nine? i don't know. he's just soo small.

as expected, no SORRY.

but....

hey, apasal x langgar je awek tuh?? i heard the other boys snickered.

i turned back, trying to retort (just to shut them up) but unable to do so since i can't help smiling when i saw how small they all are. seriously, they're primary school kids. and really small. :)

then, came this thought as i rode my bike again. are boys really programmed to 'ngorat' girls??? no matter how old that girl is. come on, i'm like wayyyyyyyyy older than they are but they still talk as if i can definitely fall for them if they attracted me in the right way. haha...

i can't be angry, because i gotta admit that they look kinda pathetically cute, trying to sound old when their physical being prominently portray otherwise. :)

but still, the question lingers...are boys reall programmed to ngorat us girls? :) since a very young age?? :) haha!

with a hug, comes the dimple and shiny eyes.

oh, let me see!! let me see!!

that rare dimples on the right side of your cheeks.

and that shine only your eyes can portray.

wait! what's that??

with a puzzled frown on my forehead, i reach out.

to touch your face. gently, afraid that i might break such a fragile feature.

your forehead wrinkled, your cheeks flushed, your lips tight with unexpressed emotions.

the small stream of water that flows from your eyes,

oh, now it's flowing more.

i let go of your face.

now i can't think.

it hurts me so much to see you so in pain.

come here, a hug will do.

yes, i hugged you. wishing to the world that it'll provide you all the relief you need.

and the concern that is inexplicable through words for words can never truly show the gravity of it.

i closed my eyes, willing the flow of everything-is-gonna-be-just-fine aura into you.

and then, your sobs stopped.

i slowly held you back.

and, i saw, the tears have stopped.

and you're smiling.

and that dimple...as well as that brightness in your eyes,

made me know that i've done the right thing to comfort you,

my dear friend.

sharing

“I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart.And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.”

i found this quote. as usual, Googling.

just thought of sharing to those who feel the same way. :)

dear heart...

dear heart,

are you okay? please. don't be sad. can you please smile? you're my best friend, my ally, my secret keeper. if anything happens to you, i will blame myself and myself alone.

what is this predicament that renders you to almost crack to pieces?

recently, i heard that you were hurt by someone you love. i heard he is a friend, a very dear one to you. yet, when you confessed to him that you like him, he turned you down. i heard he gave you false impressions or was it you who misinterpreted his kindness? no, heart. i know who you are. you are hard to accept other people's kindness, so surely this dear lad has done something to you that you feel soo sad. You faced far worse than pain. you told me you had this hollow numb feeling that engulfed you. stifled you sometimes when you tried to go to sleep. is that true? Listen to me, heart. You have the strongest cell in this entire human body, so, don't let some sadness weaken the pulse of your strong cells. be strong. keep yourself together. because i need you, heart. you're my life saviour.

or is it the predicament that involves your wishes to the places of your desire?? United States, United kingdom or australia? heart, please be patient. don't let worries and frets conquer you. Because you have a weapon. you have your prayers to God. you have faith. He will help you as long as you stay faithful, my dear. Faith, they say, can do wonders to you. Believe you can, heart. Because i know you surely CAN. your desires are mine. together, we'll achieve them so that i can make you cast a glow of happiness in the blood you pump.

Oh dear heart, I know that you're not alone. Please don't be sad. I heard you have other friends. no, i'm not jealous, why would i be?? in fact, i'm pleased to know that. I know nabilah can give you strength when you start crumbling down. she will help you cement yourself against all the tests you will face. and I know zera's there if you want to cry, or even annoy her. because she'll just accept you as who you are and give you honesty when you require one, heart. Iswari and Pauline? oh, i heard they're very sharp when it comes to understanding feelings. These sensitive girls will surely help you heal you wounds with their words of inspirations and full support. yusuf? ah...that kind hearted guy whom i know as a very patient young man. too much similarity between you and his mind, my dear heart. Make sure you appreciate his companionship. be his best friend, and he'll be your best friend as well. Jason and irwan are always there to ensure the laughter on your lips. They hate seeing tears dwell from you, so don't do something that they hate. or, if you can't stand it any longer, go sing yourself out with Aqmal. he knows when you grieve and will comfort you with the soothing voice when he sings the lyrics of wisdom. and i heard this friend of yours, named CL, is a very honest young man. He will tell you the truth when you need it, regardless how hurtful it might be because he just wants to ensure you don't feel greater pain later.

heart, look around you. you have strength. you have prayers. you have friends. you have me.

and I believe in you to stay strong no matter what happens.

because i know, despite all these predicaments, you'll remain beating. Till the last beat God has destined for you.

take care, heart. be brave.

Yours sincerely,

Me, myself and I.

3, words and what they mean.

I LOVE YOU.

3 strong delicate words.

I HATE YOU.

3 strong vengeful words.

I LIKE YOU.

3 strong happy words.

I MISS YOU.

3 strong painful words.

YOU DISGUST ME.

3 strong despicable words.

YOU HURT ME.

3 strong hurtful words.

3.

words.

yet they mean a lot to the world.

Life decision

Life.

everybody talks about life.

educated or not, people discuss about Life.

could life mean Love in few expressions?

or could it also mean Lavishness in fragrance of equity?

or just plain Luminosity in facing encumbrance?

YOU decide.

I have decided mine. My life is about:

being jubilant because everyone is beautiful when he or she is happy.

being sad when i know the tears God has given to me is to relieve me from pain.

being angry when i know the fire that burns my heart will later know the meaning of the calmness of patience.

being lively when i know one day, i can never jump up and down again or dance around when death has taken its cue.

being selfish which will cast a light on the value of sharing.

being spiteful when i know i will comprehend the preciousness of apologies.

being caring, which will warm hearts anywhere i go in this world.

being charming which will attract all the good things i need in life.

being exuberant when one day i know my exuberance will spark passion in those around me.

being strict when one day i know i have to break the rules and not feel bad about it.

being kind because that's what God has always asked us humans to be.

being strong when one day, i know this strength will be tested.

being weak when one day, i know there will be people around me who will hold me up as i slump into self pity.

being generous when one day, i know this generosity will affect the lives which are unknown to me.

and most importantly,

being myself, because God has created the originality in me when the seed where i came from was developed beautifully in the sacred place of a mother's womb.

being myself because that's who i want to be. and no one else.

The Case of the Known but Taken-for-granted Treasure

oh, there goes the ticking.

tick. tock. tick. tock.

time.

treasure in minutes. full of inexplicable essence.

yet...

we humans still do not under the value.

of the thin needle pointing on the numbers on the grandfather clock.

of the rhythmic monotonous tick tock.

of the chimes of bell as it strikes a new number.

of the wooden case of the clock, indicating how stifling time can be.

i, you, we, they,

use TIME.

i laze around when i think i have 'free' time when i conspicuously know, there are no free things in this world.

you waste your time by doing the things you are not passionate about, when you already comprehend that time will be more of value if you follow your heart's desire and do what you love to do.

we all know time is slipping away, second by second, yet, we allow it to slip from our very fingers, also acknowledging, it'll never return.

and they, who have always known, will use TIME to their benefits. and they will ensure that their friends do not fall in the same elusive trap of having lots of time.

the question remains:

have we all appreciated time as we are supposed to do?

Express yourself exuberantly.

look around.

see.

watch.

observe.

look at the eyes of eyes.

green eyes are mysterious.

grey eyes are what they call sexy.

blue eyes are innocent.

brown eyes are soft.

black eyes are full of wisdom.

but never, there will never be any other eyes as the ones I see on you.

never will i see the depth you hid from the world, only with your eyes.

is that why you have been avoiding my sharp gaze?

or is it because of the dominance of my brown eyes?

no, i do not think so.

maybe, just maybe, you just want to hide the windows of your heart,

where all your feelings are properly kept,

unreachable to those who do not earn your precious trust,

which one day, somebody will reveal the contents,

and make your eyes smile again.

and those very same eyes will shine,

this time brighter, to guide your heart,

to see and believe your deepest desires.

but until this day, your eyes are still my enigma.

the enigma i would never want to discover, unless you allow me to.

tell them.

for you, i may be just another average person.

because you never see me as a friend.

i'm not mad. i accept the fact.

but to me, you are someone.

an entity that shines the light in my life.

you, my friend, is my friend. and will always be.

when i feel down....

lately, i've been googling a lot of stuff about famous quotes or life quotes or whatsoever quotes that google can provide me to fill my thirst of motivation. usually, i read my friends' blogs for inspirations and motivation.

many things happened lately: my worries about my universities (one by one, my friends are getting response while my emails to the unis have no such feedbacks), disappointments, overwhelming anger, or simply frustrations.

i've deactivated my FB, and kept silent for three days from the world.even my sisters were quite worried. i buried my nose in my beloved novels and did Google mapping. before this, due to a panic attack, i washed all the cars in my house and even waxed them. :) and i figured out that what i always tend to do when i've lost my self esteem or feeling low, i turn to these quotes for my motivation.

i may sound kiasu or just plain nerd to Google all these stuff but never mind. at least, i know what i'm doing is good. :)

here are a few quotes that i think are just plain awesome. :)

every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

to wish you were someone else is to waste the person who you really are.

experience is a name humans use for their mistakes.

oh yeah, fortunately the girls are braver than the boys, they flirt all the time. :) (gwen stefani)

they may forget what you said but they'll never forget how you made them feel.

some of my friends said that i'm too complicated. because i think too much. or always being too sensitive. well, i'm just being me. and no matter how difficult it is, we should always open our minds and accept people just the way they are. with my fast temper and volatile patience, i take a long time to understand this concept. but still, i know i will have to because humans are not perfect no matter what hubris they have created to make us all feel good about ourselves. that's why God has reminded us to learn.

and i've learned that motivation come in many ways. you just have to know where to find it. :)

Anger. Patience.

how miserable anger is.

today, i felt it.

that fire. that sickening burning sensation which eats the pathways of your heart in a slow deliberate way.

how strong patience is.

that water. soothes you. that strong current which stops the fire from marching forward. :)

i experienced both today.

i was angered and calmed simultaneously.

and for that, i'm glad.

because:

i know that i have the strength to stop anger.

i have patience.

here i am.

here i am, creating a new post for my blog when i know my computing notes are practically shouting at me to be read and my QA questions are just nagging my brain cells to work on them and my accounts past year questions beg me to revise them again.

final exams are looming up.

and i realized there are still a lot of stuff i need to settle.

this is what happens when you keep postponing stuff. :) procrastinating is just doing no good for you in this rush hour circumstances.

however, THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE TO GIVE UP. fight till the end. :)

and here's a huge reminder from my dear sir jo whom i met this evening, STUDY SMART, NOT HARD. :)

with that, i know i've been doing the right thing to prepare myself with a steady step to the examinations hall. :)