Remember that time?

remember that time when we were good friends and how you were jealous that i like another guy and not see you? you tried so hard. when i look at you properly, i thought you're bringing me hope. alas, i was mistaken.

remember that time when you tried so hard to win my heart? want to know how you've won it? you broke my heart. total damage, sweetheart. thank you so much. now i'm just another girl in your girlfriend trophy cabinet. i hope at least i'm d biggest prize. feels like a consolation for me. :D

remember that time when you promised me a billion things when all i wanted was for you to love me and accept me as who i am? you've seen my true colours. you've seen me vulnerable. instead of embracing me at my worst, you attacked me when i let my guard down. now, your promises are still here even if you're gone. how will you answer to God of the promises you made to me?

remember that time when we used to have good times? and even if we quarrelled, it was of useful stuff? why so bitter to me now when it was you who hurt me? Now i understand the concept of bitter sweet relationship. only now, i understand the bitter part more. :D

remember that time when you said i was clingy and needy and just plain bothersome? think about yourself, honey. we all have flaws. i'm not a perfect girl. and you're not a perfect boy either.

remember that time when everyone doubted you and i told you to ignore all those bad comments and gossips about you? as much as i was sincere, i couldn't help feeling hurt that you believed in others more than you believed in me. you bowed down to peer pressure. and let them tell me bad things that shook my faith in you. i fought. fought them to believe in you.

remember that time when i loved you? i still do. even if you hurt me. even if you ignore me. even if you're amazing at being a total jerk. so, what happened to your love? you said you pitied me? how wonderful. Alhamdulillah, i am the peak of my life, i am the one who should pity you because no one seems to believe in you at all.

remember that time when you already had me replaced? wow. i'm impressed. make sure you don't lie to her. don't hurt her feelings. don't raise her hopes when all she does is loving you and accepts you as who you are. don't ever EVER try to break her heart. don't make the same mistake to her like you did to me. learn, sweetheart.

remember that time when you told me that love can change? for you, it turns from love to pity. for me, it's from love to disbelief. do you even know how worse disbelief is than being pitied at?

Dear God, please. please. let me go of this torture. release me from this obstacle. I know I've sinned so much. I've learnt my lesson. I should've kept my heart for the one that deserves it. You. Dear God, please. if this is the way for You to give me strength, I have to admit, I am not strong enough. Please. Guide me with your hidayah. Guide me to love You more than anything else in the world. Forgive me for my mistakes. Forgive me for being so angry at this small task of testing my patience and strength. Forgive me, dear God. It is hard for me to be strong for others. people see my smile and laughter, o Allah. please keep it that way so that they won't be bothered with my sighs and tears. it is hard for me to keep smiling in front of my family and friends when all i'm feeling is to fall down and cry. At times, I am so angry that I forgot Your existence. I feel like giving up. it is hard for me, O God. I'm trying my best. but i can't help crying in front of You. Pardon me for all my sins. Set my heart straight. Heal it so that I can forgive and forget. I rely on You. Thank you, Allah. for this small task of yours let me learn about life.