Single or being in love?

For my teenage years after hitting puberty, make it 6 to 7 years of my life, I was single. Boys or guys were just immature for me and I think I'm not beautiful enough to capture their attention anyway. My realistic ways believe that love is all about physical and material stuff. It's about being pretty enough for the guys you like or rich enough to buy him or her stuff that he or she likes. now i think of it, maybe i was just immature back then.

As much as I enjoyed being single, with the freedom to flirt around and have a lot of male friends to allow me to get to know their gender, I still search for the one. I still looked enviously at couples at the shopping mall, married couples with their children or even old couples who have aged together till they can meet their grandchildren. My motherly instincts are high maybe due to the fact that I had to take care of four siblings younger than i am. but my love instincts? I can never be sure of who I'm searching for.

Then, again, I thought, I can never believe in love. What does it have to create such beautiful yet sometimes scarily tragic events in life? Why is Romeo and Juliet, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and almost every single fairy tales and legendary stories portrays love?

Then, how come when I think I've found the one, they hurt my feelings? Or, when a few guys came to me and confessed their loves to me, why can't I just accept it?

maybe, I was scared of the thought of being committed to someone who is never closely related to me. it has always been about being the role model in my family, and being a good friend to my best friends. never, have i gave a damn thought if being willing to sustain a love relationship.

I look around me, I found out that love lasts, love breaks, love hurts and love is just love.

Now, as I'm 19, i get to experience it for the first time.

No, not all guys are aiming for women's boobs and butts packages. Sometimes, they really want to find their soul mate. No, beautiful is good but not all guys see it as important. No, being in a relationship does not take away your freedom although sometimes you wish you're still single. No, when you're in love, it's actually learning how to accept a friend unconditionally. No, love is not how hot you are or how handsome he is. No, love is not about money. Yes, being in love changes you.

But why does my parents remind me all the time not to be in a relationship? if not, then, how am i supposed to experience the wrong ones before i find the right one?

Love makes you think of things you've never thought of. Love makes you feel crazy and sane at the same time.

Love makes you see things you never even bother to look at before.

Maybe that's why, I start seeing things that i want in the future.