being the eldest. being a girl. being a daughter.

being the eldest, I know how huge my responsibilities are in setting a good model for my brother and sisters.

Being the eldest, I know who I am and what I'm supposed to do in life.

Being the eldest, I also know that certain things will never receive approval by my parents. Plus, I'm a girl. I hate hearing people say "kau tu pompuan. x leh wat itu, x leh wat ini." in my feminist side, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT WE WOMEN CAN'T DO WHEN WE KNOW THAT WE CAN DO IT.

being the eldest, I know I'm the one who will face all the risks in life first and whatever I do, my siblings will have to learn from my mistakes.

right now, having a relationship to someone who really cares about me is one of the REJECTED topic for my parents.

Well, I'm a little bit upset with you, mum and dad. It's not like i'm stupid or abandon my studies all together. That boy is also studying. And he'll be in US like I do. we both know our priorities are in studying and achieving our dreams in life.

what does falling in love have to do with destroying my future when i still know that my priorities are in studying and achieving my dreams? i still know my responsibilities. i still know who i am. i still know that whatever it is, family comes first.

that was my status in FB a few days ago. It's just frustrating when I am judged even before i can explain myself.

for them, being in love is inappropriate for someone studying like me. Well, hello world! you two fell in love when you were studying as well. where's the harm in that?

I'm not being angry or rebellious, mum and dad. I just want you to know, that I've grown up. and being in boarding school and in my previous uni, i had to survive myself. so, i've learnt a lot of things. stop treating me like i'm some kind of 9 year old naive kid. I know both of you love me so much, but it's time to let me go and let me grow. I will make my own mistakes. All i'm asking is for you to accept me and my decisions and just advice me when I face difficulties. Not make it harder for me by making me choose between family or him.

I think it's time for me to have some ME time instead of kaklong should do this, kaklong supposed to achieve that.

Ayah, ibu, i'm sorry. But please, give me a chance to make my own mistakes and learn from them. I know you both love me dearly and are just being protective. But in the end, I will need to survive on my own.

I'm sorry if having someone special in my life right now changed me.

That's not the whole point. I've grown up...so, I am CHANGED. regardless of having a relationship or not.