you are what you read.

i may write my views.
that might appeal to yours.
or even oppose to your beliefs.
i may write my heart out.
to let your hearts know that i, too, know.
i may write long, or short.
i may write jargons.
but words are never jargons to me.
you may succeed to despise my words,
or fail to hide the sense you get in them.
try as you might, do your very best, for trying is living.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

the umbrella



they say i'm lonely.

so, will you accompany me?

let's share the umbrella.

so that i can protect you from the rain,

and you can provide me the warmth i needed.

let the umbrella shelter us from those who are trying to break our bond.

let the umbrella do its job. :)


make it stop.


STOP!

i'm suffocating,

i can't think.

all tangled up in the turmoil of love.

although you're way beyond my reach.


awkward


look, i'm over it.

stop acting so awkwardly around me.

i want to be able to talk to you properly.

i want you to look at me in the eyes when we talk.

i want you to be yourself when i'm around.

i want you to laugh when we all make fun of each other.

i miss our old friendship.

so, please stop being awkward.

because i'm not.

Monday, March 22, 2010

the ugly duckling


she once told me,

she was an ugly duckling.

in terms of the insignificant physical appearances.

not that she's not grateful of what God bestowed,

just a realization she bravely accepted.

she said,

nobody looked at her,

with her dark skin,

even darker hair and eyes.

her clothes are too boring.

her face clear from the ugliness of make ups.

well, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder indeed.

sad to say, most beholders are blind.

they do not see what SHE HAD INSIDE.

until one day,

no, not any prince charming,

just another ordinary guy,

handsome with his confidence and honesty,

his wit swept her off her feet.

he saw what others didn't.

he saw a really beautiful lady,

right there,

with her beliefs, opinions and wisdom for life.

she, whom they called the ugly duckling,

the independent, strong ugly duckling,

has finally became a swan when the man of her life,

accepts her as who she is.






Monday, March 15, 2010

you can do this.

so, here i am.

fretting my head out. being tired with the non-stop thinking processes i've been doing since the last few weeks.

one beautiful morning, still dripping after a long shower, i checked my mailbox. the usual facebook notifications filled everything before i saw that SCARY email of YOUR NYU DECISION. i opened it, taking in deep breath, just wincing as i thought of rejection (had many bad experiences on rejection). My mind sort of accepted the fact when i read 'WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT WE ARE UNABLE TO OFFER YOU ADMISSION TO COLLEGE OF ARTS AND SCIENCE. so there goes my dream place to study finance. the word HOWEVER made me read the whole text. i couldn't believe my eyes. Alhamdulillah, i got an offer to NEW YORK UNIVERSITY on a liberal studies program.

the best thing about this program is that, i need to study in either london, florence or paris for my first year before i get to go to new york for my sophomore year. i chose london. always wanted to go there. :) and here it is, the chance. tO GO BOTH NEW YORK AND LONDON, two famous cities in the world.

i can assure you i was totally giddy with the news that at first, i didn't tell anybody. imagine me, the boisterous, hyperactive girl keeping a secret and shutting her mouth and most of all, remain calm when delivering the news. being usually excited about anything, that's something new my body and mind need to handle. i mean, it's a good news but i didn't declare it until i went to class which was at eleven o'clock that day. i was scared, if i tell, i'll wake up from a dream or something. i told my friends in a gradual manner. today, him or her. tomorrow, him or her. then, them. my sd frens of course and a few others who really helped me a lot throughout the year.

so, now, let's see the problems.

1. NYU is not listed in sime darby's list.

i will have to work hard for this. i've already asked a few of my seniors about the process to 'fight' for getting sponsorship to go to a uni that's not in the list. plus, since the offer is about going to two wayyy different cities, i will need to convince them. convince them like NYU's my life. :)

2. my parents and a few of my cousins were not that keen.

when i delivered the news, my parents were like, NEW YORK??!! how about cost of living, how about the expenditure?? and all the financial worries. my cousins, they told me to be practical and realistic. hmm...well, from my point of view, i would be angry that they did not share the same excitement as i did because, first, they DON'T EVEN HAVE AN INKLING of how the USapps work. secondly, they're just focused on me going to Australia and not see my potentials in US.

however, this is where my role needs to be played really WELL. i will need to show them the financial state can easily be controlled. i'll ask about my seniors over there in New york (or anywhere near new york). about practicality (like going back to m'sia in case of emergency), well, it has yet to be thought of. i'll think of something. i know i will do whatever it takes to get to my dream school.


come on hidayah. you can do this. (^_^)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

bitter heart


he's bitter,

with a broken heart and fragile smile,

he despises lies.

he loathes fabricated truths.

and for him,

LOVE is one of the bullshits.

though from far away, I wish I can sweeten up his heart again.



Saturday, March 6, 2010

today


last night i slept early,

fatigued and tired.

today,

i woke up to the shining face of the Sun.

receiving various happy calls,

wonderful messages.

today,

i turned 19.

today,

i feel appreciated.

today,

is just like any other day,

except that it's MY birthday. :)