What's out there?

what's beyond the trees?

what's beyond the mountain?

what's in there in the fog?

what's out there for me to see?

my mind is a picture.

my dreams are the colours.

and you get to see the beauty of it.

Photo by me. Kuching scenery. Dec 2010.

Again. just a thing that came across my mind while browsing thru my pics.

No turning back.

turning back?

no.

keep climbing.

hesitation might trick you into a downfall.

listen to your heart.

p/s:

Photo by me. and this post is to remind me and you who reads this, to keep going on. no turning back.

bloom it, Spring.

can't wait to start my spring term.

1. join university of London basketball team. regardless of my height. (i've seen how tall the girls are before...but i'm still gonna try)

2. tour around UK. go to a beach. visit Yorkshire, Manchester, Liverpool. maybe veer off to Ireland or Scotland.

2. TOUR AROUND EUROPE, BABY!!!!!!!! Italy, France, Switzerland...bla..bla..bla...:)

3. stop being d silent girl. come on! bring your loudness back!!! you're in freaking London where the noise is at the same level day and night. :)

4. i think i'll continue volunteering at the Oxfam store. i find it boring, but at least, it'll be good for me to wind down just by sticking price tags on the second hand books. plus, i love the store.

5. meet as many malaysians as possible. all around UK. set up huge networks.

6. enjoy myself. and stop being homesick. :)

Spring term, BRING IT ON!

p.s: i don't know what to expect from my flight journey to heathrow this coming monday...

She forgot.

It's ironic. Nurul forgetting her LOUDNESS. that's like, pigs can swim in the clouds. that girl is well known for her boisterous nature and very exclusive unique sort of laugh. anyone who hears her laughing does not need to think twice that it's nurul that he or she is hearing.

she thought, she's the same when she came home. realizing that, yeah, sure, she'll meet most of her friends again. she'll be perfectly fine. like she thought she was when in london.

she did not what came into her mind that night. or what sort of emotions sneaking into the veins of her heart, making it feel like bursting with longing happiness. she did not know that her lungs needed to work extra hard that day to breathe the hilarity of being with good friends again. all day long, she was with her bestest two best buddies, yusuf and irwan. two Aussie guys who made my world an annoying but lovely place. :)

she did not expect to break down in front of all her beloved. nabilah, yusuf, lina, lanie, amore, atul, ain, nadia, adian, uzair, irwan and wan. she did not expect to cry, hell no, she was so used to being reserved that she forgot how tears of happiness could even exist.

she did not anticipate what her friends would feel. she thought, that if she was strong enough to keep all the bad things that happened to her, causing herself unbearable loneliness on a foreign soil, she was being brave. she thought that if she kept all the negative experiences to herself, she would be stronger.

but no.

she was brave when she confronted her frustration and somehow, a teensy bit of regret of choosing her own path. she was brave to keep moving on, knowing that God knows best for her. she was stronger in the arms of her friends, wiping away her tears and let her envelope herself in their hugs. she was stronger with every word of encouragement she heard escaping from the soft lips of tenderness in the hearts of her friends.

she forgot how loud and happy she was until that day. that night when feelings overwhelmed her. she forgot how noisy the group could be when we're all together, because she was so used of the crunch of her shoes on the streets of London, fast pace yet no matching tones of footsteps beside her. to accompany her in the throng of busy lives and stressful weather. :)

she forgot that she was this open and loving friend for all.

and that day. that day and night. reminded her of how happy she could be if she remembered the good things in life.

New Year

there's nothing worth more than seeing the whole family gather and have some fun.

there's nothing more precious than seeing your family laugh together.

the beauty of everyone eating together, sharing the same piece of meat or chicken, exchanging jokes, fooling around....it's lovely. everyone is happy. :)

the best thing to happen on the first day of the year. :)

this is the firework, the countdown, the excitement. no need to go out on new year' eve, when you have one that can tear the house down at home. :)

2011.

happy new year, everyone.

between the doorway

it's true. my professor told me that, when you leave your country to study overseas, you're actually in the doorway between your country and the country you go to get education.

how? why must it be doorway? why not just i immerse myself into the walls of London and still attach myself to the smell of green forests early in the morning in front of my house in Malaysia? it's possible. but we can never get enough of just one world. sometimes, it's the best of both worlds.

i didn't believe this when my writing prof told me this. i thought i was adjusting well in London; a place that i've come to adore despite its unpredictable weather and the sharp immaculate British accent as I hear snippets of conversations on the streets. i thought everything was the same; what with the UK road system also used in Malaysia and how everything is on the right instead of the left like in the US (I will need to deal with the left-ness of US next year once I reach into the concrete jungle of NYC) i felt the same despite the everlasting layers of clothes i need to wear just to step out of my flat. i thought i was the same, the same old girl with tempers to deal with, parents who just can't really acknowledge that I'm already an adult living my own world out there, my annoying siblings that i miss dearly and a boyfriend to look forward when i go home, loving the way Indian food in London tried its best to mimic the wonder of spices used in Malaysia. ah! the list goes on and on. i can keep drone on if only you can bear with me.

no. it IS different. the proof? i'm here. now. in Malaysia. missing London that I hate so much because of the weather (I love the city though). Irrefutably, I love wearing simple attires with no eccentricities of matching my grey scarf with my pink coat, choosing which boots to wear to avoid slipping on the challenging icy path on the way to class. i can wear sandals, slippers. heck, i can wear shorts when i'm at home. :) why the clothings seem so significant? they're just clothes. hell no they're not. :) in London, i tend to reserve myself (something that my friends in malaysia will ridicule if they see this and my friends in London understand completely). in KL, i am back to my boisterous nature, loud, sunny, happy. funny how the clothes i wear can just affect my openness. luckily i do not need to cover up my head with layers of head scarves or else, i would never have the chance to think about this. haha...:)

not just personality that has changed. my senses are more alert. i become aware of the tiny details that i've always neglected on the roads as i drive my dearest car, ignorant of the glinting roofs of the house near the roundabout or the rusting yellow bus parked in front of my sisters' school. food? food was extremely delicious. i used to hate chilli, now i asked for more (although still at a very low rate compared to my sisters who love anything overly spicy), realizing that my tongue has tasted bland food for quite a while. not that the Brits do not have delicious food, it's just that, I grew up with the aroma of spice and the sharpness of taste as my body endeavoured the ecstasy of Malaysian food. :)

senses. personality. sounds pretty cliche. sounds like you're heard it from your mother who went overseas or your friend who experienced the same thing. yes, you've heard about how people changed. maybe that's why travelling broadens your knowledge. not only in the geographical, historical senses. but the way your soul change. your senses. your personality. you. change.

now, i think my neighbour is cooking nasi lemak. hmm...

oh. Mum called. time to gulp down her world class fried rice.

cutenya!

i've heard of people thinking that women wearing the hijab are either bald or have bad hair. haha...i didn't believe it at first.

until three people confessed to me that they thought i'm bald. =.="

i don't feel insulted tho. haha. i find it cute somehow. i love seeing their faces the first time i let this hair of mine get exposed in front of the girls. :) bila nmpk my hair, they'll gush...n say wow..nurul..we've never seen your hair.

my reply? 'did u think i hv no hair?' *they'll blush n nod* hehe. :)

when i first came here, my flatmates were pretty cool about seeing my hair. so i thought, no one can think i'm bald ryte? but they have a different case pulak. i took out my telekung n sejadah...they admitted that's the first time they see muslim praying up close. :) at first, they were pretty afraid and curious of what i recite in my prayers and they were like reallyyyyyyyy worried on why i had to pray so many times. :) haha...after a lot of explanations and girl talk about period and stuff....they understand that i'm not that different pun. :) just kene solat. n pakai tudung n jaga diri elok2. :) as in no drinking n drugs. :)

sometimes when they're drunk, they'll say, nurul how we wish you can go out partying with us n drink some beer or play tequila game or something...wear nail polish, get high and show my hair. n wear make up everyday...:) hehehe...well, girls...i'm happy as who i am ryte now. i may not have a night life here, but in Malaysia, i can get pretty wild. >:) remembering the midnight trips to kedai mamak, wayang and all...my idea of having fun is just different. :) but i accept the way you girls are. just like you accept me. :)

truthfully, it gets lonely sometimes. they even think i'm sweet n innocent (kalau laaaa kawan2 msia tau ni..mau kene gelak...) but x kisah. masing2 ada pegangan masing2, n i love how they respect me n xde pulak nk prejudice ke apa ke. :) Thank God. :)